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THE POWER OF S▽YING NO
The power of saying ‘No’ to others is the power to say Yes’ to self. We have developed a culture where saying ‘No’ is thought to be a negative action that is either selfish or rejecting. The truth is that ‘No’ is not about rejection, but about protection. Protection of our own well-being and needs, and a practice to ensure we are not depleting our personal stores and resources. Saying ‘No’ has the power to generate self-healing, self-care, and self-love. It creates space, time and energy for us to fill our cup and make sure we are full. When we are full we are able to step into our power, speak and act our truth, live authentically, be without burden, and be there for others with a spirit of love and generosity. Saying 'No' is simply the act of filling our own cup, before trying to help others fill theirs. For true love, unconditional love, support and generosity, are only possible through the practice and the achievement of self-love first. Making the selfishness of saying ‘No’ to others, an act of self-love.
Self-love and selfishness are not mutually exclusive. To maintain a spirit of generosity and giving, we need personal balance, to hold onto balance we must take care of our self, and to take care of our self means to put ourselves first and at times say 'No' to others. This is quite often labelled as being selfish. Sometimes we fear saying ‘No’ to influential people and those we care about because of the fear of being judged, rejected, shamed or labelled as ‘selfish’. This is a common experience for many, as we all are challenged at times by issues with self-worth, self-esteem, or the desire to be liked. All of which contribute to our fear of rejection, judgement, and the habit of saying ‘Yes’ when we mean ‘No’.
Even tho it can be quite daunting to start saying ‘No’ to people who have a strong influence in our lives, people with a strong energy, or to those we like and admire, it is at times necessary for our own well-being. Saying ‘No’ is not rude, disrespectful or rejecting, it is empowering, healing, and self-preserving. A practice we all need to engage more often to create authenticity and balance in our personal energy, relationships, and life.
There is nothing wrong with putting our self and own needs first. This is how life should be. We should all be in a state of having a full cup. And the only way to maintain a full cup is to practice self-love by putting our self first when we need to. We are no good to anyone if we are tired, angry, frustrated, sick or worn out. Saying ‘No’ is self-preserving, creating space, time and energy to fill that cup and master the art of self-love and empowerment, so we might stand up for our self and our needs.
Once we become clear on what our ‘No’ is and how to put it into practice, we avoid all forced efforts that deplete our resources. Sometimes in trying to do the ‘right’ thing or be the ‘good’ person we say ‘Yes’. The trouble is when we give a false ‘Yes’, we end up pouring what little we have in our cup into others. This is like lying to our self, lying to those we are trying to help, and doing things from a place of obligation that can lead to resentment and negativity. The game of being a martyr, playing the victim of always being the good person who is not appreciated. This is not healthy for us personally or dynamically in our relationships. The pouring from our cup into others should always be the overflow, not the contents. Therefore, we need to constantly maintain a full cup before we want to consider helping others, otherwise we will end up creating negative energy and maladaptive patterns in our life and relationships, that contribute to personal disharmony and stress.
On that note, saying ‘Yes’ when we mean ‘No’ can be a significant contributor to creating personal disharmony and stress. Our energy levels influence our moods, physical health, and thought patterns. We have all noticed that when we are tired and run down we might be more emotionally sensitive, get sick, stressed out, overwhelmed or be thinking self-defeating / negative thoughts. Saying ‘No’ gives us the opportunity to say ‘Yes’ to our self when we need to refill our own cup to maintain personal harmony and good physical, emotional and mental health. Even tho this blog is focused on the power of saying 'No' it is not about never saying 'Yes'. Because there will be times in life when saying ‘Yes’ to someone will be the same as saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, or when you have a full cup and are happy and able to give to another with generosity and joy. The trick is to recognise, be honest, and know when saying ‘Yes’ is going to deplete our personal resources (as our cup is not full), and that in this situation we may really need to say 'No'.
This is when the power of saying ‘No’ is really activated, for we are understand the power, blessing and right in us tending to our own needs first. Here, we begin to recognise that our value and worth comes from our practice of self-love and being. And that our ability to help and lift others up comes from us maintaining a full cup. Once we learn this and achieve it as a practice in everyday life, we will not only boost our resources and maintain that full cup, but align with our truth and sit in a space that is empowered by our increased self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem.
So, the next time someone asks you to do something, help them out, do a favour, go out, stay in, whatever it is; pause; check in with your needs and cup, and feel what it is best for you. Start to get to know what your ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ feels like, become aware of your cup and put into practice the truth about what you need and want for yourself and life. Be selfish, practice self-love, fill that cup! Step into your Power. This will open you up to new practices that increase positive experiences, self-love, improved personal and relationship health, and lift you up to being more vibrant with zest for life. All because your cup is full! Full to the brim for you, and over flowing with love and positive energy for everyone else you wish to share it with.